Anyalogy

He was my light. I needed him to survive here on earth. But, what can I do? He's gone.

He's gone. He eventually surrendered to the illness I did not know that he was already feeling. At first, I did not believe that he was actually sick. Why? I was selfish. I forced everything to be about me, as if the world revolves around me or as if I was the center of the universe.

He's gone because I was insensitive.

Who am I?
I am just a speck of dust within the galaxy.

Even though it was all my fault, I still believe that I should live.

I should live because it is what he wants. He wants me to be successful in order to turn this place suitable for people to actually live. He wants me to change the world.

I will live for not just myself, but also for him. His journey within the earth is done. His time is already up and I can no longer save him. But I could still do what he wants. He has given me a mission— the simplest mission of all, and that is to live.

Hello! My name is Anya. I am a 12 year old kid who loves to write about her life experiences, thoughts, and ideas in this online diary. I believe that life is a gift that should be valued for all of eternity— and writing is the simplest way to preserve those memories until the end of time.

Anyalogy is a pun that I made up back in 2015 when I loved the TV Show Oh My G! starring Janella Salvador because she also had a blog—or as she calls it, Sophielosophies.

Most of my posts (about 90% or more) are about my life experiences and the remaining 10% are made up of the thoughts that suddenly popped into my head like ideas when you are bored or some poems.

I hope that you'll enjoy viewing my blog!

Xoxo,
Anya

I thought everything was perfect
I thought we'd planned out our future
I thought you and I will last forever
I thought you and I will never be apart
I thought you'll stay here for me
I thought we had the same thoughts
But I was wrong for thinking about these
Because at the end of the day, these are just thoughts

February 26^th, 2016,

I wrote.

Dear Journal,

Lolo Elmer suddenly cried this afternoon. He cried and said that in a vision, he saw Lola Puri who was kind of asking him to come with her. Thus, he said that he has a really bad stomachache and that he can’t urinate properly. Please tell me that in a way, he isn’t fulfilling his word last week ( a day before his birthday) wherein he told me that since he is already 66 years old, his time is already up and that he has to leave us soon.

March 22^nd, 2016

I tweeted,

I just heard a bad news. Na-ICU si Lolo. Praying for his fast recovery. Lord, please tabangi si lolo.

April 12^th, 2016

I wrote, Lolo is no longer with us. I’ll miss him so much.

I’ll miss him so much. I mean, who wouldn’t miss the presence of a man who was so loving, caring, and portrayed a huge role in your life? Lolo had an important role in my life. Since I was in Kindergarten until the last days of Grade 7, he fetches me every day from school and we often head straight to the mall because I need to buy some things for school. Actually, he really hates it when we go to National Book Store because he ends up paying for all the things that I want to buy. So, we still need to argue before he would purchase the things for me. That is the type of bonding that we have as grandfather and grandkid, arguing.

But, it was not the type of argument that would lead to future fights and scolding because when we have a sincere talk while he is driving, I often say sorry to him for being sometimes being disrespectful and I tell him how much I really love him.

In one of those heartfelt talks, he said that if you really love your family, then you should do all the sacrifices that should be done. He told me how much he loved basketball back in the days and how successful or well known he was in terms of sports. He was a star player and he always goes to the different parts of the region just to play basketball. Despite all of these, he said that one should not just be great on a specific game or sports, but one should also be great in dealing with life problems or the problems in the real world. So, for the sake of earning money for his family, he gave up basketball, but he then took note that it was something that he did not regret because after all, family should go first.

Yes. He was a person who really loved his family. When I was a little kid, he used to take care of me so well most especially because I was born with Spina Bifida and I underwent an operation when I was just two days old. I needed extra care since there was a possibility that I could not walk at all. And Lolo gave me extra care. In fact, he was actually one of the people who were hands on in teaching me how to walk. And whenever I tumble accidentally, he would really scold my yaya as if it were her fault.

Given with my condition and being an only child, I did not have a lot of friends my age. So, Lolo used to play with me. We were playing as if we were having tea with Disney Princesses like Ariel, Cinderella, and Belle and for a long time, pretended that they were always visiting me whenever I am sleeping. Just recently, we tried to recall the characters in Nickelodeon’s Backyardigans and I was surprised because Lolo could still remember all the characters, but I could only remember the female ones.

I would say that Lolo and I were so close. In 2008, he stopped smoking and drinking liquor because of my big mouth. Whenever I see him smoking or I can smell that he is drunk, I would immediately scold him as if I were a police or a person in authority. Well, since he can’t stop my big mouth from talking and complaining these things to Wawa, Mami, or Aa, he just stopped his bad habits.

Ohh. Those memories… I can’t believe that I made a ton of them with Lolo. I has only been a few days since we lost lolo, yet I already miss him so much. I wonder, “how can I surpass a year or two without crying for this loss?’

To end this, I just want to say that I'll miss my Lolo so much and that I wish that I did not argue with him that much.

"In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take"

P.S. This is my last post about Lolo's death.

Isn't it ironic that I made an update about my life on the night of April 11th wherein I expressed my hope for Lolo's recovery and on the morning of April 12th, I lost him? (That sentence was pretty messed up though.) Well, I'll say, yes. It was pretty ironic.

It has been a few days since Lolo died, yet I still can't get over the fact that I can no longer spend time with him. We used to spend a lot of time together because he was my fetcher from school for 8 years. Our routine wasn't as simple as just fetching me from school. Before going home, we usually go to the mall (usually at National Book Store), and just buy whatever I want to buy and he often pays the things for me.

I can never ever forget the time wherein we encountered a drunk tricycle driver and he almost stabbed Lolo with a knife. Luckily, he was unsuccessful and only Lolo's finger was affected. I can never forget the time wherein we were just singing a song that he made up and Wawa (my grandmother) scolded us because the song had rude lyrics.

I can never forget those days. Those things are now just memories for we can no longer do them again. Those are just memories that should last forever.

I already miss my lolo and it has only been days since he died. How can I surpass a year or two without crying for him? I'll miss him and I'm sure that he'll be in my heart forever.

Good bye and farewell

You taught me so well

You were there when I cry

And also when I smile

You played with me when I was a kid

Because I was a good grandkid

You were a brave man

Also a loving one

You gave me a lot of protection

And also tender affection

You were my guardian and my friend

In this journey that wasn't supposed to end

I wonder how many things i can no longer do

For I can no longer be with you

Good bye and farewell

I will always love you well

Hello guys!

So, as what you have all noticed, most of my blog posts all had to do with time. And I think, by now, you may have figured out that I have issues with time. Every time I become sad or fail at things, I simply blame time. With that, I promise that I'll really try to avoid posting about time and things alike here on my blog.

Some of you also wondered and asked me about where I got the picture with the ICU signage. I took it myself at a hospital here while I was visiting my Lolo in there. He already got out of the ICU, but he is still in the hospital. Actually, his situation is the primary reason why I keep on posting about time or sadness or pessimism in general. I just hope that he’ll get better someday.

Anyway, as what you have noticed, the appearance of my blog changed a lot. I have been working so hard to make it look better by adding gadgets on it. I also bught a new template for it from Sora and I have been loving it lately.

And yes, I wear glasses. I just started wearing them this year (January 24th to be exact)

So, that is all for this update!

Xoxo,

Anya

For more updates:

"If I could do it all over, maybe I’d do it in a different way. Maybe I would not be here, not in this position."- True Love

There comes a time in our lives wherein we’d have huge problems, and just want to escape them all, but we can’t because once we are trapped, we are trapped. There are no setbacks, no do-overs, and no other choice, but to face our last resort which is to face the consequence.

These are the reasons why I hate living in this world. The world is actually so cruel for not letting anyone redo his decision or at least, let that person escape it by simply becoming invisible.

People who know me so well wonder why I want to have a do-over. They say that I am not a so-called ‘nobody’ or an average kid to wish for that. I am too smart to wish for that. I am gifted with all the resources that I need. They say that I am highly important to wish for that. This wish gives them the impression that I am too self-centered to think that way.

I am also filled with insecurities every time I see a distant relative most especially when my 4 year-old cousin is with me. My relatives often say, “Wow! Ang puti ng apo ni Jong na bata. Lumabas talaga sa kanya ang dugong Olarte”. Then my mom or uncle would say, “Ito. Apo rin ito ni Jong.” My relative would only show a pathetic smile and not react, as if she was not proud to know that her run still runs in my blood.

I know why she acted that way. Physically, I am really far from perfect. I am imperfect in the way that I dress, the way my facial features were made, the way my body is shaped, some imperfections here and there. My skin tone is not like theirs. My skin tone is tan and they have lighter skin tone.

Even though I just smiled when somebody complimented my cousin but made a negative comment about me, I was starting to burn deep inside. Even though I just laugh when somebody calls me "taba", "lechon", "baboy", "pig", and even make some jokes like "katayun na na siya" ,deep inside, I am contemplating. I let those criticisms fill me. I let them make me feel inferior. I am asking myself why I deserve all these embarrassments and criticisms.

Seriously, what have I done? Did I wish that I would have skin tone like this? Did I wish that I would be fat like this? Did I wish that I would have a lot of imperfections like these?

Then, I realized that I had a few mistakes. If I listened to my parents, who constantly reminded me that I should get involved in physical activities, then I would not be suffering from all these criticisms. If I only scrubbed my skin better, then I would at least have 1% lighter skin tone. After some time, I realized my biggest mistake in this situation. I let the unwanted criticisms conquer me.

People tend to be judgemental, it's just so easy to comment on whatever they think seem right or wrong. It's so easy to look at a person and start pointing out flaws and secretly judging them by staring at them in a rude manner. Although some people tend to point out weaknesses through sending hate, criticism and even bullying, these types of people will do anything to let me crumble, to make me think that I am worthless, and to make me realise they are right. Now, it's my decision to either listen to them and fall into this hole of darkness and insecurity, or I can simply let it pass my left ear and wait for it to get out of my right ear. It's all about where my focus is, once I focus on my strengths and only that, I'll feel much lighter and on top of the world. If my weaknesses can still be improved, why don’t I work on that, right?

I wish that I had started earlier so that there would be less pain. I wish I could redo my life, choices, and turn my flaws into strengths. I wish that I did not let their judgements take over my life. I wish I had some sort of magical device that would have made me a better person earlier.

“Life is simply building yourself into becoming the best version of you that only YOU could ever be.”

As what I have said earlier, if I could do it all over, maybe I’d do it in a different way. Maybe I would not be here, not in this position.

Photo credits:

academic underdogs.com

waltbox.wordpress.com

Note: Hey guys! Yes.I know that I have posted an article last year with the same title and that this article kind of contradicts with what I've said in the previous article (see Time Machine). Well, this article is completely different from that one (to be frank, this is actually more similar to the X-Sign) and as to the contradicting part, I have one thing to say. Time. Time changed me and my perception lately. xoxo, Anya

Hello! As you guys know, I am a Potterhead. So, basically, I decided to do the Harry Potter Tag!!! I got the tag questions from fandomsontherun.wordpress.com and totally check out that blog!

1.Favorite book?
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Fun fact, I finished reading the book in one day! (Well, I also finished reading the Goblet of Fire in one day)

2. Least favorite book?
I actually want to say that I love all of them equally, but you can't simply love two books/ things/ persons equally and it will just sound cheesy. So, I'll say Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I was just so intimidated because the book was large. No, it was GIGANTIC. Thus, I hate their Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor also known as the Hogwarts High Inquisitor, also known as Dolores I HATE HER Umbridge.

3. Favorite movie?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 1. (It is self explanatory 'cause it was really good.)

4.Least Favorite movie?
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. The book just gave me the feels, the tension, and the suspense that I least expected, but the movie was just not as good. A lot of my favorite scenes in the book (like the ones wherein it was so obvious that Ginny has a crush on Harry) were not in the movie.

5. Favorite quote?
"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light."
This quote serves as my life quote right now and I have mentioned this quote in some of my blog posts.

6. Favorite Weasley?
Ginny! Or at least, the book Ginny. She was so sassy and fiesty!

7. Favorite female character?
Hermione. She actually inspired me to act against racism. I have written a lot of essays against it and she really changed my perception or my view on social issues and life issues.

8. Favorite villain?
Bellatrix Lestrange. She is such a badass and the most perfect villain. She is not afraid of anything like casting the unforgivable curses and she is not afraid to say that she is associated with Voldemort.

9.Favorite male character?
Sirius Black. Sirius is my ideal godfather and he guided and supported Harry.

10. Favorite professor?
Snape. He sure was bias to Slytherin students, but he did chnge Hogwarts.

11. Would you rather A) wash Snape’s hair or B) spend a day listening to Lockhart rant about himself?
I would rather spend a day listening to Lockhart rant about himself because I am in
Hogwarts wherein everything is possible like casting a spell that would block my ear from hearing his rants.

12. Would you rather duel A) an elated Bellatrix or B) an angry Molly?
A! Because when Molly is angry, she really is angry and nothing can stop her. (Also, I do not want to have a Howler sent to me after our duel.

13. Would you rather travel to Hogwarts through A) Hogwarts Express or B) Flying Car?
Hogwarts Express. Why? Two words. Chocolate Frogs.

14. Would you rather kiss Voldemort or give Umbridge a bubble bath?
I would rather give Umbridge a bubble bath because I can spill muriatic acid on her. (Haha, jk)

15. Ride a Hippogriff or a Firebolt?
Hippogriff. I want to prove to Draco that Hippogriffs are not that dangerous and a lot cooler than his broomsticks

16. Is there a character that you felt differently in the movies?
Yes, and it is Ginny. She was a sassy and fierce book character, but in the movies, the character was just, mehh or too fake and not great.

17. Is there a movie you preferred to the book?
Yes, it is the Deathly Hallows Part 1. It was because the movie showed the part wherein Hermione obliviated her parents and she slowly disappeared in the pictures. It just gave me the feels.

18. Richard Harris or Michael Gambon?
I actually liked both of them. Richard portrayed Dumbledore as a really good mentor and a serious one. And Michael portrayed him as an energetic professor.

19.Your top thing (person or event) that wasn’t in the movie that you wanted there the most?
It was definitely Harry and Dumbledore's conversation at the King's Cross Station. It resolved a lot of plot holes in the series but it was not shown in the movie.

20. If you could remake any of the Harry Potter movies which would it be?
I would remake two movies, the Prisoner of Azkaban and Half Blood Prince. They just did not have a lot of similarities with the books and the HBP movie had a lot of plot holes.

21 and 22. Which house was your first gut feeling you’d be a part of? Which house were you actually sorted into on Pottermore?
Ravenclaw, I just had a lot of potential to be a ravenclaw, but I wanted to be like Harry (or be
Ike the main character) or be a Gryffindor. I was so nervous when Inhad my first Pottermore Sorting Hat Test and kind of manipulated my answers so that I would be a Gryffindor. However, it placed me in Hufflepuff. Then, I made other accounts and did not manipulate it anymore and became a true Ravenclaw.

23.Which class would be your favourite?
Charms and History of Magic (even though the professor is boring)

24.Which spell do you think would be most useful to learn?
Accio! I have mentioned this on my Things I Like that Start with The Letter A! blog post and this is just useful.

25.Which character do you think you’d instantly become friends with?
Hermione. She is a lot like me and I am a lot like her.

26. If you could own one of the three Hallows, which would it be?
The Invisibility Cloak. It is so cool and would get me out of trouble. I mean, it's what apthe majority would want, right?

27.Is there any aspect of the books you’d want to change?
Yes. I think that it would have been better if Neville was the one who killed Bellatrix because Bellatrix casted the unforgivable curses upon his parents.

28.Favourite Marauder?
Padfoot. Just Padfoot.

29.If you could bring one character back to life, which would it be?
Dobby. He was so faithful to Harry and was such a good friend.

30.Hallows or Horcruxes?
Hallows. It would be cool if I'd become the Master of Death. (Haha). Thus, I don't want to murder a person just so that my lifespan would be longer. That would just make me so selfish.

So, that's it! Thanks for viewing!
Xoxo, anya

Photo credits: harry-potter.wikia.com

If you smile

Through you fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through

For you

~Smile, Zia Quizon

A smile. It is the simplest form of magic. Why? It resembles happiness, joy, and laughter. However, it can also hide all sorts of emotions. It can hide sadness, fear, and tears. But then again, they all mean one thing. One thing matters. Strength.

Photo credits: polyvore.com

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